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8 Mar 2018

Balance for Women: A Necessity or a Luxury?

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Dear Readers and Followers of Group of Change,

As we celebrate Woman’s Day 2018, I feel it is of utmost importance to talk about the value of women’s inner world and how that plays out in her outer world. As daughters, sisters, mothers, aunts, friends, grandmothers and lovers, women have always played a relational, yet a very accepting role in human history.

When we look at how societies are made, it is with woman’s taking of major responsibility of family, home and children that the next human race could come into existence. The societies were divided according to this kind of division of labor where men would spend majority of their time outside, hunting, working, earning bread money while women would spend majority of their time taking care of the shelter, house, children and elderly. This type of having different responsibilities also extended to following centuries, even millenia. As we are almost two decades after the new millenium, woman can still be considered to be the main player at home while also juggling with many responsibilities at the workplace. This inevitably creates a lot of work-life balance issues as it is sometimes too much for a woman to handle.

Here the inner life of a woman needs to be our focus. How does the woman feel inside? When trying to give so much from herself, to her husband, to her children, to her workplace, to her parents, to her community, is there any room left for taking care of her own self? Can she, by any chance, find any time to be “alone” to think and evaluate on her past, her present, and how she wants to go about in the future? Because of too much meeting the demands, can a woman really “be her own self?” In her great book “How to be Alone” Sara Maitland puts it very nicely. It takes an important change in life design for a woman to create sometime alone. Although the need to be alone varies from woman to woman, every woman needs it at some level to master her life effectively.

Women in general, are very relational. Because of relationships, women are ready to sacrifice many things. The relationships, the main ones  which usually start with children, are occupying any free time she has had, has or will have. And we are wondering why there is an underrepresentation of women in many decision-making bodies such as governments, schools, health care institutions, non-profit sectors and finally the profit ones.

In the book of woman, Osho puts it very nicely. As I remember he used to say women have been spending so much life energy on family responsibilities, husband and children that beyond man’s influence, woman could never have that energy level so as to focus on their potentials in the whole human history. Here, even in 2018 we are still talking about the length of duration for maternity leave, creating more part-time jobs for women, and helping women to have more chance of going to the top in any organization they are part of. But we are not talking much about how, at a more practical level, women all around the world can be helped for taking care of so many responsibilities at home. I don’t see any detailed governmental policy being proposed to make women’s lives more easier in terms of:

  • Child care
  • Housework
  • Cooking
  • Schooling
  • Funding for future career prospects

And many others. It has been more of a case that if women can work part-time or can be helped to take more leaves, the problem will be solved.

But how are women going to excel in their potentials? Is there a future possibility for changing that?

I think leaving you with this question is good for today.

For all Women…on earth and beyond…


18 Feb 2018

How Love can be Institutionalized: What happened in Florida on Valentine’s Day

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Dear Readers and Followers of Group of Change,

This week has been terrifying. By the time everyone in the US and around the world were celebrating the Valentine’s Day, we all were shocked with the terrible news about the mass shooting that took place in Parkland, Florida. Many young people and their families were affected, while media left many unanswered questions behind, as usual.

As this country has been used to hearing horrible stories about mass shootings, mass killings and related crimes, it is still a public concern whether there is a possibility to prevent these types of outcomes in the society. While talking about what happened and how it happened might sound like a very usual narrative, it is another story and may be another type of narrative why it is all happening.

And, how this all ties to Awareness and Oneness is a completely different narrative.

I suggest starting by identifying the awareness issues of the whole story that involves past, present and the future altogether as one:

  • There has been signs of problematic behavior by the shooter like stalking, killing animals, showing off guns. This has been witnessed by different parties such as students, school administration, and other observers around.  However, the emergency of the situation/behavior/approach was not truly realized and was not acted upon.
  • The mother of the shooter has called the police several times to make serious warning signals for the troubled son. However it wasn’t enough a signal to prevent the boy from buying guns.
  • The shooter was an expelled student from the same school because of his apparent violent behavior. This, by all means, requires a follow-up as troubled behavior is usually an antecedent of future troubled behaviors which might have varying levels of influence.
  • Finally, as a policy, buying guns in the US does not hold enough restrictions to prevent these types of occurences as we see in gun control and gun rights. Are policy makers really aware of the related consequences?

As we look at the story, there is a past, present (shooting) and future aspects to it. The past obviously held a lot of opportunities for awareness that could obviously lead to action by the responsible authorities. The future also holds many opportunities for prevention of further crimes by looking at the current policies and practices today from an awareness standpoint.

If each party had been aware to a certain extent, and if they could take some preventive actions related to that awareness, last Wednesday would just be a day for Valentines, nothing else.

Unless awareness is followed by related actions, the puzzle is incomplete.

If we remain oblivious to our surroundings, including signals, calls, warnings, we are leaving ourselves and others at serious risk for many negative consequences.

I invite all of you to consider your awareness in relation to your surroundings.

In Oneness…



5 Jan 2018


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Dear Readers, Followers and Members of Group of Change,

Re-creating your Life from scratch requires a lot of courage, understanding, acceptance and a deep analysis of yourself and your life, especially your life history. Yet it still feels like a very hard to solve jigsaw puzzle while you are trying to figure out how you ended up where you are, why you are struggling with some important life issues (relationships, money, health, career, general well-being) and in general, why you are the way you are today and why it seems so hard to fulfill your dreams at any area of life.

It is a very usual and common practice to go out for an outside help to find answers or even to be able to get access to some clues no matter how small that clue might be. All of us usually consult a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a coach, an astrologist, or any other expert in the field of personal development.  And what is the first thing they do in the very first session? They basically ask about your life history, some important milestones, events that might have an impact on your being today. They ask you about your history to get a glimpse of who you are, your understanding of your own life, and, most importantly, to see any repeating patterns that might help them capture who you are today.

Repeating patterns

Why are repeating patterns so important to help us solve the puzzle?

The repeating patterns in any area, say relationships, career or in any of all life, are important basically because the way we perceive, understand, think about, feel and behave towards any life issue results in some occurrence which might be desirable or undesirable. And usually our very human-like tendency is to be able to repeat the desirable and prevent the undesirable.

Although those patterns might seem very random at first glance, when you sit down and really start studying your life in a chronology, you will eventually gain the ability to see the patterns which are not actually random but a very natural consequence of who you have been up until today.

What might be some negative examples of those patterns?

  • Relationship break-ups with friends or family or lovers/spouses
  • Physical illnesses that show up
  • Accidents that result in problematic daily functioning
  • Job losses or problems at any level of career ladder
  • Financial setbacks

On a positive level:

  • Social encounters that nourish you
  • Job offers from a desired area of work
  • New Relationships that usually work
  • Healing that happens in miraculous ways (physical, mental or emotional)
  • Synchronic and seemingly out of the blue events that lead to positive changes in your life

Many more examples can follow. The important thing here is, if you’d like to start solving yourself as a puzzle today and move on to the re-creation process, please start studying your life by looking at the repeating patterns. They have so much to say about your past, your present and your future while they are the key to taking awareness as a first step.

In Oneness…



20 Dec 2017


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Dear Readers, Followers and Members of Group of Change,

Whatever life circumstance we are all in, the new year always brings with it new possibilities with new thoughts and reflections… As a traveler on the journey of life re-creation, all of us have at least one part of our lives which we’d like to change, renew or re-create… Whatever that is, think about it as belonging to either one or more of the below:

  • Mind
  • Body
  • Soul

When we talk about changes at the mind level, we talk about our thoughts, attitudes, automatic/recurrent thinking patterns, disturbing memories, clarity in mental activity…etc. When we talk about changes at the body level, we are referring to changes in our daily activities, time and energy we spend for our bodies (physical exercise, changes in eating habits…), and the amount of time we spend experiencing the present with our physical senses. Finally, changes at the level of soul mean changes in our feelings, energy levels, amount of fear that we experience and felt confusion about who we are and where we are heading in life.

However, I must also admit that It is very common and easy to say it compared to actually doing it-the changes I mean. There are countless stories of people having strong intentions for change for the new year but only a few of them really get their hands on it.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Why is it so hard to really do it?

The reason is simple and straightforward. Intentions are usually carried out at the mind level, meaning that we intend for change with our thoughts only. It is a good idea to change certain things in our life which clearly do not work so it remains as a good idea without an implementation. For a real change implementation, we need to intend with our whole being, including all three actively participating: Mind, Body and Soul. This means we need to think about the changes, really want them to happen (soul) while having positive feelings and get our bodies into real action. Without the collaboration of all three we can not fulfill our desires for the new year or the next year. It only transfers as a repeating wish for the years to come.

For the time we have before the new year, I am inviting you to make a list of changes you’d like to make and categorize where you think the change belongs to. As I mentioned, it could be all three, two or just one. The important thing is to classify it first and then try to look at which area of implementation (mind-soul-body) you are mostly having a problem. If you feel unsure about your method or about what you find out, please drop me an email and I will help you remove the blocks.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all…

In Oneness…



12 Dec 2017

Pacific Book Review Star: Your First Step to Re-Create Your Life in Oneness

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Dear Readers,

I have a very good news to share… Your First Step to Re-Create Your Life in Oneness received a very positive book review… I am sharing it below:

Title: Your First Step to Re-Create Your Life in Oneness: Awareness
Author: Kayla Wholey, PhD.
Publisher: Toplink Publishing
Pages: 251
ISBN: 1504346394
Genre: Self Help; Personal Growth, Religion & Spirituality
Reviewed by: Jennifer Weiss
Pacific Book Review Star
Awarded to Books of Excellent Merit
There are times throughout our lives when we feel the need to recreate ourselves. Sometimes we need to take a step back and re-evaluate our lives to discover ways to change our lives, in order to really experience life more deeply. There are many books on the market, which promise to help readers find self-awareness; the sense of being one with one’s own self. Yet few of those books capture the solutions to life’s problems or force readers to really look at their own actions to make a change to the degree of this book, Your First Step to Re-Create Your Life in Oneness: Awareness. Dr. Kayla Wholey aims to aid readers in becoming aware of their actions and how those actions affect their daily life. It is a tool to help fix ongoing problems within one’s life; to aid in realizing one’s dreams and true potential.
Dr. Wholey uses real life examples to model the solutions and tips which are presented throughout this book. The examples she uses are relatable and easy to understand, so readers can certainly connect with her methodology. Readers are easily able to look at these real life examples and think of something they have experienced. Dr. Wholey writes about things, which initially block and inhibit us from being aware; then offers tips on how to change habits to recreate your life, to refocus in different ways to live a fuller, more aware life.
This is a book readers can pick up, read for a while, then put down to introspectively think about what was written as it gets all too real and is a lot to absorb. Dr. Wholey does not sugar coat things as she lays it all out for readers to understand. The tips and tools she provides are easy to understand and put into everyday practice. You will want to read this book multiple times, applying these strategies to different areas of life. This is the perfect book to begin your journey in changing your life for the better. After reading the book and putting the tips and solutions to work in your life, you will never be the same.
If you are looking at your life and desire to discover a way to change things, to enable yourself to live life to the fullest, achieve your dreams and potential, then this is a book you need to read. It is perfect for someone who has tried other programs to no avail, or who may have just decided to take a step forward to recreate themself. I found myself taking notes, highlighting passages and now telling my friends about the things I learned within this 251-page book. Your First Step to Re-Create Your Life in Oneness: Awareness challenges readers to become aware of the decisions they make daily, and take the steps needed to alter those choices to live a better, happier life. This is certainly the best book I have read in a long while which has made an indelible impact on my way of seeing my own life, as I am sure it will for all those fortunate enough to read this book.

17 Nov 2017

Start with a Definition

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Start with a Definition

Do you know that through using the tool of awareness in the right way, you can both create the favorable and prevent the unfavorable outcomes in your life? Let me give you some examples:

Starting with favorable ones (from more specific to more general):

  • Passing an important exam successfully
  • Getting to a place on time
  • Completing a job interview successfully
  • Hearing from someone you are expecting a call for a while
  • Having a successful meeting with a client
  • Finally finding someone in love who is a wonderful match
  • Having a family and children
  • Getting promoted
  • Getting regular raises and earning good salary
  • Starting a successful business and so on. This list can go forever…

How about the unfavorable outcomes you’d like to avoid or wish they never happen:

  • Stuck in a heavy traffic on your way to a very important meeting/appointment
  • Having a traffic accident with minor or major injuries
  • Coming across somebody who wasn’t so nice to you and this ruined your whole day
  • Trip and fall on your way to school/work resulting in minor/major injuries
  • Having your wallet stolen while waiting in the train station
  • Getting a serious flu on an important day
  • Losing your job by getting fired/through downsizing/business being closed
  • Losing your important relationships (family/friends)
  • Having frequent illness symptoms (different body areas/parts)
  • Having chronic illnesses
  • Being bullied at work/school in different periods of your life

And this list can also go forever…

Yes, it might seem impossible and difficult to understand at first, but with using the awareness tool at the right way and the right time, you can create your desired experience and prevent the undesired experience.

In my earlier blog, I left you with this question: With your current awareness level, how do you define your problem/goal? And I said, definition is the first step. Why? Because only through the type of definition you can find the key to a solution. Let me give you an example:

Let’s say your problem is being depressed from time to time for no apparent reason and this has been like this almost all your life. If you define it the way I just did, then what would be the solution? It might be harder to answer as it seems very general and vague. How about if you happen to realize that you feel depressed usually when:

  • You are expecting something to happen and you either do not receive a positive result or there is no result

To go more specific:

  • You are in the period of your life where you are looking for a better job than you have right now, and you are applying to certain positions and you either receive rejection letters or you do not receive any news regarding your application.

To go even more specific:

  • You are in the media business for almost 15 years and it looks like a time has come for a change in responsibility level which your current company doesn’t seem to care about. And you are applying for jobs in the same industry however, despite your high experience level, it seems nothing is showing up for you as an opportunity.

My question: Which definition is easier to deal with in terms of awareness work?

Answer: Always shoot for being specific by operationally defining what your problem is. By operational definition, I basically mean try to exemplify your problem before trying to look for an awareness related solution.

See you next week…









26 Oct 2017

Using Awareness as a Tool

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Using Awareness as a Tool

Today we see an immense number of awareness-related material out there. It looks like everyone agrees on one single thing: Awareness is important and you need to be aware of yourself, your surroundings including your relationships, your daily actions and your goals. But from what we read, we usually might feel a little puzzled at times about especially one thing: Why do we need Awareness really? Yes being aware is good for us, for our well-being, for our society and the world. Awareness is now mentioned everywhere including academic journals, daily newspapers and popular magazines (you can see thousands of articles and papers written now especially under the term mindfulness which is a form of awareness). However, it is not yet so clear why we need it and more importantly, how we can use it for the betterment of our beingness and our societies.

Throughout my career as a psychologist, a college professor, an entrepreneur and a spiritual leader, I’ve been working on awareness at personal, educational, scientific and spiritual levels. And during that time of study and years of practice, I have come to draw some important conclusions I will share with you in this short blog. Let me start out by simply saying this: Awareness is in fact a very useful tool if you know how to use it. If you do not know how to use it, here’s what happens: You spend time and maybe some money to achieve more awareness and it becomes an end in itself. You are more aware of your feelings, your thoughts, your actions but you do not know what to do with this kind of knowledge. This is like knowing the exact ingredients of each food recipe but not knowing how to cook the food itself.

Today when we look at the general problems that the world population is experiencing today we see them outlined in five main areas:

• Health (including mental health)
• Money
• Career
• Family (Marriage, Parenting)
• Social Relationships (including Romantic ones)

And it sometimes may seem like a mysterious puzzle to solve even if you have increased awareness of yourself. For example, you might observe that you are having either one or more of the above even though you think you have been working on your awareness to a good extent. Here the problem is not you lacking/needing any more awareness, but actually not knowing how to use it. Sometimes we hear stories of miraculous healings of health, relationships and other aspects of life and we attribute that to faith, luck and intense Divine power. Although they surely help us along the way, being open to that kind of power also requires us to use our awareness to the capacity that opens up the doors for you.

At a more subtle and concrete level, you probably know that almost any kind of problem in our life is a result of a kind of beingness that we have developed over the years and the key to that beingness is our ability to use awareness as tool to unlock our inner power to turn things around.
As with all levels of expertise, you become better at using this tool as you practice regularly. When it becomes almost a daily habit, you do not even know how you use it to your best benefit regarding your life goals.
For you to better understand what I mean in this blog, I would like you to step back, think about your goals in relation to either one or the other (or both, if you like):

• Solving current problems as soon as possible
• Choosing a life goal and start working on it as soon as possible

And I am leaving you with the following question to cultivate your awareness as a tool:

With your current awareness level, how do you define your problem/goal?

Definition is the first step.

See you next week…

Kayla Wholey, PhD.
Author of the book “Your First Step to Re-create Your Life in Oneness: Awareness”

26 May 2017

Manchester Bomb Attack: The World is Calling for Oneness through Higher Consciousness

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It is of tremendous sorrow that we heard about the news on the bomb attack on May 22, Monday of this week, in Manchester, England. The world is hearing these types of news more frequently compared to the past where there only used to be battles on the field. Unfortunately, years after 2000 brought with them different types of wars which are very hard to respond to, let alone a possibility to stop them, they are tremendously unpredictable. We call them “terror attacks” usually carried out by an individual or a few people but having an enormous impact on how we live the rest of our lives, how we perceive the world around us, and the type of security we feel for ourselves and our loved ones. Beyond losing lives, we are living with a psychology of fear, threat and terror. In this type of environment it becomes a lot harder to concentrate on our life goals, our individual well being, in addition to our families, friends and communities.

While the whys and hows of these events around us circulate our minds, it is also important to take a moment to “reperceive” what is going on not as a “cause” but as a “result” of certain dysfunctionalities which has accumulated in this world not for years or decades, but for centuries, or even millenia. The human mind is set to focus on survival rather than evolution from the beginning. This focus on survival has led to living lives with a big concern to “protect oneself” rather than a concern for improvement. This means, we are used to living our lives in a way to “preserve” our beings rather than “look into our beingness and make changes for being more healthy and functional”. With the religious teachings, our ideas about this type of preservation were perpetuated. In addition, we have started to believe that God is the only force that could protect us from the unknown, the bad or the evil. This eventually led to a belief that there is nothing we can do as humans beyond a certain point. It is all in God’s hands especially in disasterous situations such as climate changes, earthquakes, terrible floods, and also wars. As those events came along one by one, especially in a very unpredictable manner, we strenghthened our tendencies to cling on to an invisible higher power.

This type of belief pattern has dominated human consciousness for centuries, and it is still not very different today, against all the improvements in technology, communication, logistics, machinery, and the life styles. Compared to the past, it is easier now to get to places, to hear about news, to communicate, to produce goods, and to make new improvements in our physical world. In fact, our rapid growth in each of these areas has become unstoppable given the way we are discovering something new everyday, every moment. However, against all these discoveries in our physical realm, we have not really gone very far in terms of discovering what is “inside” of us as human beings. Our inner power, emotions, thought patterns, in general, our whole being is still waiting there to be discovered. We were and we are still so preoccupied with what is around us that we are constantly ignoring that there are things to be discovered inside which eventually lead to what is going on outside.

Because this type of inner work is so much neglected by the humans for centuries, we could not make much progress in our human consciousness. You might naturally react and say: “Hey, these events around us are a result of certain ideologies and beliefs that have nothing to do with who I am or my loved ones.” and the solution might appear to you as increasing nations’ security systems, putting more protection walls around each country, and getting more armed against those evil forces which are there to get you any moment. I have to say, they are only temporary remedies. There will always be a threat to our survival if we live with that level of consciousness in our daily lives.

Let me give you an example to make my point more clear: Let’s start with very micro issues: How many of you are having inner conflicts and willing to look into them for a resolution? How many of you are having conflictual issues inside your families and close circle of social networks and working to solve them? On a wider scale, how many of you are responding to social issues going around you which obviously appear to you as injustice, inequality, mistreatment…etc.? On a larger scale, are you perceiving what is going around in any part of the world as if your own?

The world is full of stories where thousands of lives come to an end because of several reasons, ranging from personal to societal to political, almost everyday. Unless we take action as individuals, to start looking deeply into who we are, what we experience, what we accept and reject, how we divide and separate, and eventually what we do, our environments will reflect more of this type of ignorance.

To be able to start planting the seeds for oneness, we need to first start oneness within.

Kayla Wholey, PhD.

18 Oct 2016

My Book “Your First Step to Re-Create your Life in Oneness: Awareness” is out!

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Dear subscribers and followers, I’ve been very silent since my last post and the major reason for that is I’ve been working hard since the beginning of 2014 to write and publish my first book on Personal Oneness. Finally, it is out!

“Your First Step to Re-Creat your Life in Oneness: Awareness” aims to help all readers to be able use awareness as an important tool to re-create their lives from scratch. Here is the text from my presş release:

In “Your First Step to Re-Create Your Life in Oneness: Awareness” (published by Balboa Press), author Kayla Wholey, PhD., aims to help readers recreate their lives by achieving oneness with what the author describes as “the mind-body-soul levels” by demonstrating real-life examples in a practical format.

“Awareness is the first necessary step to achieve oneness inside. After oneness is achieved, it is lot easier to re-create your life from scratch (including all different life domains),” says Wholey. “By using awareness as your first tool, you can heal and transform yourself starting by removing blocks in your awareness and then applying simple awareness tips and suggestions.”

“Many books under the field of spiritual transformation usually talk about the problem and its possible solutions mostly in a cognitive way meaning the authors try to explain the remedies in a style which I call theoretical,” Wholey explains. “This book goes a little further beyond by offering a unique practical guide for the readers to reach fulfillment and happiness in their new lives by enabling individual oneness.”

“Your First Step to Re-Create Your Life in Oneness”
By Kayla Wholey, PhD.
Hardcover | 5.5 x 8.5 in | 248 pages | ISBN 9781504346405
Softcover | 5.5 x 8.5 in | 248 pages | ISBN 9781504346399
E-Book | 248 pages | ISBN 9781504346412
Available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Here is the book sellers information:





Hope you enjoy reading it!

In Oneness…


8 Dec 2013


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Mandela, a man representing equality, justice, democracy, anti-racism… finally, in my terms, Oneness… Has left the physical world 3 days ago to continue his soul’s journey to the future he will create next… Apart from being a political figure, he was profoundly a spiritual one. Let me explain why.

Mandela has fought peacefully for his cause: Anti-Racism, Anti-Poverty, and Justice for all. He was against discrimination of all beings. He not only was for his black brothers and sisters, but also for the white. After all those years he stayed in prison, everyone expected him to be full of rage and anger and that he would get back finally when he was in a position of power. But he didn’t.

Mandela & Oneness

Mandela and An Act of Oneness

He always was very friendly, modest, loyal, relaxed while in conversations, polite, courteous, attentive to everyone no matter what their status would be, and always looked for the best in others. He had a remarkable interest in humanity as a whole… and his actions demonstrated that at every step of the way.

What did motivate Mandela to be so patient over those years in prison? What led him to move on and wait till the time has come? Was it his self-actualizing potential, or his devotion to his ideas and plans or was it the fact that he already knew his time would come?

Well, I think the answer lies in neither of them. For me, Mandela spent and valued each moment for its own sake. Whatever the result would be, he moved on, and as he waited and kept patient all those years… I think he was in full acceptance. He accepted what came to him. But this wasn’t just a passive let go of everything, this was an acceptance of what the universe has to offer after one’s action of who he is. This was in fact oneness, oneness of being and act, oneness of mind, body and soul. Because they were too aligned, they kept Mandela healthy and powerful inside. As he did not separate who he is from his actions or words, he kept on, no matter what result would follow.
He was a man who created his reality each and every day, dreaming and realizing what he stood for.

In loving memory of Nelson Mandela…
With love and oneness…
Kayla Wholey, PhD.